Umm I'm too high to move.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
