I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
