I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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