he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
