Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
