If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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