First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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