i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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