So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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