His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
