when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
