Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
