Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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