He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
