we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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