If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
