i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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