I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
