so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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