Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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