Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
