I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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