Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The struggles of a small town man whore
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
