In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
