her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
