the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
