explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Will exercising make me less horny?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
