you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
