If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I will be naked everywhere
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
