I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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