if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
