I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
