from now on my penis is your penis
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
