is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im six kinds of drunk right now
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
