This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
