TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
