so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
