I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
