i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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