when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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