I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
