I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
