We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
