i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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