I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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