He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this will be a night to untag.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize