The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
