My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
