im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
