I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
