Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
