How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
