Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
