tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize