You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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