you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
