i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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