I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
im on a boat
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