also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
