Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
