I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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