Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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