and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
